According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
