Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
