dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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