ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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