needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
