so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
