Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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