____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
