You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
