You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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