she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
