Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
