then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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