And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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