we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
