I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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