Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
