She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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