I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
