Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
