R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
