If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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