If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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