Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
