y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
