I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
