Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
