if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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