I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
