Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
