I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
