he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
