How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
