You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just cropdusted the office
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
