So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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