Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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