totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your penis caused this!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize