dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize