Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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