he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
