How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
