I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
