I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
