Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
