i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
