Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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