he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will be naked everywhere
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
