Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
