If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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