can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
