I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
