im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
