Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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