roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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