rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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