Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
