Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
