yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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