my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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