I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
