My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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