Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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