I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need a beard to bite.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
