I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need to calm my uterus...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize