It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
