so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
