Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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