By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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