I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
