We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
