Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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