Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
