Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
