What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
