I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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