I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
