I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
